


Triggers

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [222]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Pre series, Stanford Era, mental health, sam has ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 00:30:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8182018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: Jess knows she's not qualified to diagnose anyone, but she'd have to be an idiot to not see the piles of triggers her boyfriend has.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is another piece from Tumblr.
> 
> Sam's life prior to Stanford left him with PTSD, and Jess and him experience the results.

* * *

Jess has a minor in psychology, which she fully recognizes doesn’t give her the qualifications to diagnose anyone. But still, even so. Sam. She can’t help but watch him, and she can’t help but see it.

He has these nightmares. Not every night, but a lot, and she honestly thinks he has them more nights than she even knows about. Sometimes, she wakes up completely by accident, to find him entirely awake, looking terrified but absolutely silent. She doesn’t know if that’s better or worse than noisy, screaming nightmares. At least she can be there after those, even if he doesn’t want to tell her what they’re about.

And then there are things that freak him out. Jess tries her best to figure out what they are, really she does, but it’s damn hard. Certain Metallica songs seem to get him antsy. Graveyards make him jumpy. She can’t get a handle on it, but she does her best to remember these things.

Not to mention the way he feels about himself, or the way he sometimes seems depressed, or the way he sleeps poorly or startles easily sometimes, and the constant vigilance. 

Something has been hard on Sam through his life. Jess just wishes she knew what it was.

He doesn’t like to talk about it at all, actually. He refuses to acknowledge that he avoids reading obituaries even if he reads the paper cover to cover, and sometimes a car backfiring makes him jump, and people getting too close make him twitch and tense. She only brought it up a few times before realizing that it was like talking to a brick wall. 

There’s nothing wrong with having PTSD. But something tells her some part of Sam sees every flinch, every avoidance, every other little indicator as some sign of weakness, and she supposes someone told him that. Maybe the same family he doesn’t talk about, either. Maybe the same cause for his PTSD.

Still, whether he talks about it or not, she wants to be there for him. It’s not easy, not because she doesn’t want to support him but because she never knows what she should and shouldn’t do. But she slowly starts figuring it out, at least in some areas, and it works.

She sleeps pressed against him so nightmares will wake her up, regardless of whether or not he makes sound, and she’s always there to comfort him, if he’ll let her. Repeated assurances that she _wants_  to be there for him help make sure he lets her more often.

She keeps a constant mental collection of his triggers, things that will send his day downhill.

Sam has bad days, too, of course. They can’t be avoided, especially with Sam not getting any sort of professional help. It’s just a part of their life, and Jess learns to accept that. 

Someday, she hopes, Sam might be willing to tell her what happened, might be willing to seek help. All she wants is to be helpful enough to make him feel comfortable enough to reach that point. 


End file.
